just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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