i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
