So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
