I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
