So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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