Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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