'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
