I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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