it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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