Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
