12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sobbing to NWA
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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