my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
