You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
