Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
