You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
