angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
