dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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