tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
