awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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