Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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