I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
