I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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