It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
