She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk is a universal language darling
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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