The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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