When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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