I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
