All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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