Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We are all done wearing pants today
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
