Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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