u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
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