Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You smell like stripper and shame
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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