the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
