we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
