come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
