there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
