Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
