Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am mentally ready for anal.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
