I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
