can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
