The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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