when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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