he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
