good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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