You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
