I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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