Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
