i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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