i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
