You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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