did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
