he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
