You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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