he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
