Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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