We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she told me i tasted like america
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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